The Truth Behind Saying "I'm Just a Girl"

The Infantilization of Women in Social Media trends:

The recent wave of social media trends like “girl dinner, “girl math”, or “coloring while my boyfriend does his big boy engineering job” might look harmless and a silly joke on the outside, but there is an underlying regressive issue here that just makes me so mad. One that wraps the reinforcement of the idea that womanhood is something small, cutesy, and dependent into a cute pink bow. These viral phrases are trivializing women’s independence and intellect, while shrinking the image of womanhood into something digestible and marketable. They take the complexity of adult women, their strength, ambition, and depth and reduce it into a caricature of childlike helplessness. “Hey girl!! I know you could NEVER understand the stock market so let me explain it in Sephora terms” ….Blocked! Delete! Pass! You can understand the stock market and financial terms it is literally not that hard you are smart, and girls are just as apt to understand these things as boys. Stop infantilizing yourself. Self-limiting beliefs is when they get you. It’s the same with the “I’m just a girl” trend. Like are we hearing the same song with the same lyrics. She literally says, “I’m just a girl, that’s all that you’d let me be, I’m just a girl living in captivity” It’s literally meant to be a critique of how society boxes women and limits them and tells them what they’re allowed to be. Which makes me think of that one scene from The Queen’s Gambit, granted it was set in the 60s, and how the newspaper Beth Harmon was featured in used the fact that she was a girl in a room full of boys as the main plot of the passage instead of highlighting how much of a genius she is, taking away from her achievements. Pop culture continues this pattern in more disgusting ways. Like the constant and disturbing referencing of Lolita as if it’s some kind of aesthetic, romanticizing a narrative that was never meant to be romanticized. The movie/book is not seductive nor romantic, it is a horror. Lolita is supposed to be 14, and the actress who played her was 13. Thirteen. There is nothing alluring about the exploitation and the SA of a CHILD. It’s sick.

Misogyny Disguised as Empowerment:

There’s also this new genre of content that go something like “hey girl boss, here’s how to get rich off men” or “tap into your dark feminine energy” and the more you kinda pay attention, the more you realize how they’re pretending to uplift women but what they’re really doing is dressing up old misogyny and selling it back as self-help. I mean it’s the cringiest shit ever, and every time you see a video of a woman giving advice on “how to be more feminine” or “step into your feminine side” it’s always like the same kind of advice you’d give a child, like “don’t swear”, “don’t get angry” and the core aim of it always has something to do with a man. So weird. Take the “he brings out my feminine energy” or “he makes me more feminine” crowd, like what was stopping you before?....feminine energy doesn’t even mean anything… you are a female… you already have feminine energy. You don’t need a man to unlock it for you like some hidden game level. It was never his. This idea that femininity must be validated or drawn out by masculine presence is simply another box, one that says that your softness, confidence, or sense of identity only hold meaning when seen through a man’s eyes.

And then you’ve got creators like The Wizard Liz and others like her who sit in front of a camera and borderline prey on young girls and try to sell this superiority complex as “self-love” Every single video I’ve seen of hers is just her hooting and hollering. Giving corny advice to manipulate men, use them, play games, and “make him chase you.” That they should be in this dynamic where women are trophies and men are walking wallets. Then dating becomes this transactional thing, but despite the fact that they try to write this off as a liberating, empowering story, it’s not. It breeds trust issues and suspicion between genders, which leads to nihilism and this whole “nonchalant” bullshit. Like no, you’re just weird. You are never going to pick the “perfect person” through steps that The Wizard Liz gave you, you only have your intuition and discernment.

Then there’s the glamorization of SW and the culture around it. During my research I literally came across a video that said “this is your sign to get on Seeking Arrangements! I’m 21 and own my 2^nd high rise” uhhh that’s not the flex you think it is. Like… are we serious right now? Are we really promoting that as the new version of success? Preaching about being “above” and mocking people with 9-5 jobs as if working hard, studying, and wanting stability is something to be embarrassed of. Since when did having an actual career become a red flag? Nurses, teachers, doctors, engineers, and people who dedicate their lives to helping others are the ones keeping the world turning not people sitting in front of a camera in a penthouse, yelling about “manifesting abundance” while conveniently leaving out the part that their entire lifestyle is being bankrolled by men in exchange for you know what. Like not everybody wants to move to Dubai with a random weirdo with no degree or career for that matter just for $10k and an Hermès bag. Be for real. The stories never add up. All I could think about is a young impressionable girl seeing those videos. The “men objectify us, so let’s objectify them for their wallets” logic makes my skin crawl. That is not liberation, it is patriarchy reversed, you’re still living in the same system but now you’re taking part in it. Objectifying yourself benefits nobody except people who are preying on it, it is not empowering. And at the end of the day, if you do get to where you want to be using these steps, you are an embellishment and an extension of a man instead of being your own self. You have zero successes. You don’t bring meaning to this world by being arm candy. You are under spellllssss people. And this is a message that all women need to hear. Real feminism isn’t about domination or control or revenge. It’s not about being worshiped by men. It’s about equality, self-respect, and choice. It is the very reason we can talk openly about empowerment, it’s the reason these influencers are able to get on the internet and spew garbage all day long in the first place. Think about your female ancestors and how they fought! Put some respect on their name!

Internalized Misogyny, Comparison, and the “Not Like Other Girls” BS:

Have you ever been out with friends and noticed how the energy shifts a little bit the moment a man walks into the room? Suddenly it’s like everyone performing which subconsciously shifts the dynamic. It’s not intentional, but it is real, and I am sure I have been guilty of doing it at some point. I first heard this broken down perfectly by @squiajinx on Instagram. She explains how jealousy between women isn’t something natural in women but more so a product of systematic conditioning. One that patriarchy uses to keep women distracted, divided, and constantly competing against each other. She argued that girls are taught that the goal is to be the fairest of them all, not the most fulfilled, or the most independent. Even when we’re told to “work on ourselves” it’s often framed so a man will notice how different you are from other girls and choose you. If you constantly compare yourself to other women, you are going to hold yourself to that same impossible standard. That’s why I despise the phrase “you’re not like other girls.” No, I am exactly like other girls, I want to be. I’m tired of this narrative that being “different” from other women is a compliment. It’s literally just another way to isolate us from each other. As @squikajinx said, when you stop viewing other women as competition, their beauty stops feeling like a threat and starts looking like what it actually is, an extension of your own. You begin to see people for who they are, their hearts, their dreams, their fears. When you learn to decenter men, this entire twisted structure collapses. Suddenly, your self-worth isn’t built on being seen but on being known. Once you focus on your own growth mentally, spiritually, emotionally, the insecurity dissolves. You realize there’s room for every woman to thrive. That’s what we should be teaching our young girls. Get out of that junk mindset!! Nothing will touch you. Build your life for YOURSELF and get rid of the need to be like somebody else or hate on other women.

Redefining Womanhood and Real Freedom:

Somewhere along the way, we started treating womanhood like a performance instead of a process, like it’s something to curate not something to live. Everything became about being perceived. How “feminine” do you seem? How soft, how submissive, how desirable? But womanhood was never meant to be aesthetic, it’s supposed to be about self-authorship. That’s why I love that quote from Miranda in Sex and the City, she says “Please. I have enough trouble figuring out how to be a woman in a man’s world without trying to be a woman pretending to be a man in a man’s world.” Though I see myself in each of the four characters, she would always CLOCK misogynistic BS and say what needed to be said. Because when a single man is rich, he’s successful. When a single woman is rich, suddenly it’s something to “deal with.” The double standards never end. And yet, women are still expected to downplay their success, to apologize for being independent, to make their power seem “cute.” I’m sick.

There’s this lie that women can only find fulfillment through romantic relationships, that our main goal in life should be marriage, and the ultimate prize is a man. And I see this mindset so often, especially among women from North African, Middle Eastern, and South Asian backgrounds, where marriage is treated like the ultimate measure of success. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married and finding your person, I want that too. But relationships are not the purpose of your life. They are supposed to add to your life, not define it. The best thing you can do for yourself as a woman is to build a life that’s already full. Full of love, goals, peace, and direction. Center your world around your family, your faith, your friends, your career, and your community, not around waiting to be chosen. The “right man” does not require bargaining or searching. If love arrives, let it arrive to a life that is already in motion. That whole “my other half” or “this person completes me” narrative is so corny. You’re not half a person. You should be 2 whole individuals choosing to walk side by side not two broken halves trying to patch each other up. I want to find someone who parallels my path not define it.

And I understand it’s hard to thrive in a male-dominated world, but I’m tired of girls who sell out other girls or themselves thinking that they’re benefitting. And I am not a “pick me” for criticizing this type of feminism nor am I a “misandrist.” Like God forbid somebody acknowledges women’s actions that reinforce the patriarchy.

I think that the most feminine thing you can possibly have is freedom. Freedom to think, to create, to walk away, to start over, to exist on your own terms. Freedom is soft and fierce at the same time and it’s yours by right, not by permission. So, stop selling yourself short, centering your story around men and stop confusing performance with power. Feminism gave you the right to choose, to be loud or quiet, spiritual, or logical, or whatever kind of woman you want to be! You are never “just a girl.” Respectfully,

B